journal cleanup

content/journal/001/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-001
+title: I miss her
 date: 2025-05-10
 sn_id: 977206
 banner: remember.jpg

content/journal/003/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-003
+title: The Waymo Experience
 date: 2025-05-12
 sn_id: 978850
 ---

content/journal/004/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-004
+title: Trust Is the Scaling Solution
 date: 2025-05-13
 banner: colorado.jpg
 sn_id: 979677

content/journal/005/index.md

@@ -1,35 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-005
-date: 2025-05-14
-sn_id: 980582
----
-
-The first thing I see in the morning is the color and brightness of the sky through a small window near the ceiling. It allows me to guess what time it is and I got pretty damn good at it, like Eugene Sledge killing Japs.
-
-{{< youtube -dS2v-rSjzU >}}
-
----
-
-While getting ready for work, I was thinking about something I don't remember, but it made me write down the following:
-
-> What is the opportunity cost of my thoughts?
-
-Since our thoughts are processed serially, even the time we spend doing nothing but thinking is precious. I shouldn't waste it.
-
-Another cost I need to consider more is the cost of being awake. Depending on how much sleep we need, we know that we will be tired in 14-19 hours again. So if I don't spend the time I am the most awake thinking about my hardest problems, I am also wasting precious time.
-
----
-
-I really enjoy the introspective part of writing about myself. It's as meta as [strange loops](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_loop). [I am a strange loop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_a_Strange_Loop).
-
-_While writing this, I started listening to the preview of the [audio version](https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Strange-Loop-audiobook/dp/B07HJCBXD8) of_ I Am a Strange Loop _and I really like it. Listening to someone reading a book in English might also help with my pronunciation. Maybe I should start listening to audiobooks since I do struggle with pronunciation?_
-
----
-
-I had some more notes but I don't want to share them in an unpolished way and I want go to sleep. Maybe I will include them tomorrow.
-
-![](./spinzone.jpg)
-
----
-
-It's cockroach weather in Austin. It's even warm at night now.

content/journal/006/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-006
+title: Confession
 date: 2025-05-15
 sn_id: 981392
 ---

content/journal/007/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-007
+title: The Beauty of FOSS
 date: 2025-05-16
 sn_id: 982124
 ---

content/journal/008/index.md

@@ -1,91 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-008
-date: 2025-05-17
-sn_id: 982883
----
-
-Dear Journal,
-
-You would be nothing without the notes I take each day.
-
----
-
-There are a lot of notes that I haven't included in any journal yet, and the number is increasing. I usually take more notes per day than I mention in a journal.
-
-One reason for not mentioning some of them is that they are for me, not for you. I still want to include them on my site, though, so I can view them in a nice format. Maybe I'll play around with hidden links and encryption schemes.
-
-Anyway, the number of 'unused notes' helps ensure that I always have something to write to you about. Without them, I probably would have already stopped writing these journals. I really wonder how long I can keep this streak going.
-
-But at the same time, I should prepare myself for the day I skip you, so I don't end up quitting just because I skipped one day.
-
----
-
-**11am | waking up, still in bed**
-
-If I imagine my thoughts as travel destinations, and thinking as traveling, it's easier not to think about something bad because I'd have to picture myself walking a long way just to arrive at a shitty place. Essentially, I want to add friction to some of my thoughts, like a spam filter ... is there something like this?
-
-**12pm | leaving the hostel room**
-
-Wow, people really like Hollywood Undead here in the US. [Everywhere I Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7XDFstVaHA), there's someone telling me they like my favorite hoodie. This time, it was even a girl. We exchanged a few words as she continued down the hallway. She mentioned that HU used to be very popular, but not as much anymore. It was a pleasantly innocent interaction.
-
-![](./hoodie.png)
-
----
-
-I wanted to write about my approach to parties yesterday. I didn’t, so I’ll start now:
-
-I think I can be the bubblegum guy who offers people all kinds of bubblegum, so we can chew and blow the wildest bubbles together.
-
-Thanks to bubblegum, I don’t feel like smoking cigarettes anymore. Sounds stupid, but it seems to work.
-
-There’s more to say about how I approach parties (or how I don’t), but maybe another time.
-
-![](./bubblegum.jpeg)
-
----
-
-I listened to _Frame of Mind_ by Tristam today:
-
-{{< youtube SCD2tB1qILc >}}
-
-> You can lift your head up to the sky
->
-> Take a deeper breath and give it time
->
-> You can walk the path along the lines
->
-> With your shattered frame of mind
->
-> Or instead, you could always stay
->
-> We can wait right here and play
->
-> Until somehow you can find
->
-> A slightly better frame of mind
-
-It’s a song I listened to on repeat when I felt really lost and knew I needed to save myself in 2021.
-
-I was also torn, because I really wanted to take shrooms or acid at the time, to escape my frame of mind, but I knew [that wasn't a good reason](https://stacker.news/items/607554). I also had to think a lot about this quote from Alan Watts:
-
-> When you get the message, hang up the phone.
->
-> [For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope; he goes away and works on what he has seen.]
-
-and about [the scene in which Elliot cries because he can't hold in his loneliness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvrDV1uNpxI).
-
----
-
-I decided today that I won’t be able to ship the wallet changes incrementally, so I will have to ship all the changes at once.
-
-> I decided to merge this into a new branch `wallet-v2` because I don't see a way to get this PR and [#2146](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/pull/2146) merged into `master` without breaking `master` or too much code for backwards-compatibility that is basically dead on arrival.
->
-> Therefore, `wallet-v2` will contain all changes to resolve [#1495](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/issues/1495).
->
-> Ideally, the PR to merge `wallet-v2` into `master` will simplify a lot. I expect it to remove more code than it adds, so the review of the remaining code should be easy enough.
-
-— me, [Github comment](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/pull/2092#issuecomment-2888730116)
-
-That sucks, because I’m not used to changing so much code at once, but there’s also something relieving about it: everything is fair game now.
-
-I prepared myself for this in commit [`3ba6ca24`](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/pull/2169/commits/3ba6ca2424e1003874761ef4570a26f130f9fc0f). I annotated the existing code with a lot of TODOs and my thoughts on how I think I’m going to change it. I also removed a lot of code where I already knew that updating it would take more time than just starting from scratch.

content/journal/009/index.md

@@ -1,31 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-009
-date: 2025-05-18
-sn_id: 983627
----
-
-Dear Journal,
-
-I had a funny realization today: I feel like shit because I don't get much stuff done, and I don't get much stuff done because I feel like shit. It's really that simple. 🤯
-
-Therefore, I got some stuff done today so I can stop feeling like shit, so I can get even more stuff done. More about that at the end.
-
----
-
-_Actually, I don't feel like expanding on any notes today. I also didn't take any that feel important. I tried to write something here about how I have to leave PlebLab soon, and how I really wasn’t looking forward to it at all, but I noticed that it's not all bad. I deleted what I wrote because it felt forced. I don't want to force my journals._
-
-_Maybe I'll skip tomorrow, take a longer break or stop publishing them. I should do more things **exclusively** for myself._
-
----
-
-I made some visible progress on the wallets today ([`0f8811ea`](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/pull/2169/commits/0f8811ea87991ab79de702321e2cf70008cf265f)):
-
-![](./wallets.png)
-
-I also felt more comfortable changing a lot of code. I tend to be very autistic about my commit messages. I want them to be good so I don't lose track of what I'm doing, my progress, or whatever the reason is that I care so much about them. I actually can't really tell you. It just feels like a part of me that I'm afraid of letting go.
-
-But as a girl in PlebLab told me, [my worrying about losing myself](https://stacker.news/items/979677?commentId=980278) if I let go of things that define me but turn out to be mostly harmful upon closer inspection—like worrying too much—is a sign that I don't feel secure about who I am. That made a lot of sense. I will not let good commit messages define me.
-
-I also made some important decisions about how the new code is going to work, without committing too much. I'm not sure yet if those were good decisions, but I want to find out.
-
-I would love to tell you about them, but I need to prioritize sleep. Good sleep habits should define me, and I've sacrificed a lot of sleep for this journal. It was worth it, but maybe not anymore.

content/journal/010/index.md

@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 ---
-title: journal-010
+title: Stephanie
 date: 2025-05-22
 sn_id: 987273
 ---

content/journal/011/index.md

@@ -1,42 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-011
-date: 2025-07-08
----
-
-{{< figure src="/notebook.jpg" caption="The notebook I bought today. It wasn't love at first sight, but I'm starting to love it." >}}
-
----
-
-Which words are worth the paper?
-
----
-
-I still think about deleting my journal on Stacker News and my website. Why?
-
-I still struggle with what it is that I want to share. I want to share the struggle of sharing but sharing the struggle makes the struggle less worth sharing.
-
----
-
-I laughed when I wrote this. Why am I like this? Why do I think about these things that eventually make me want to fly into a mountain? Now I'm crying.
-
----
-
-In some way, I think it's fun. It's fun to be complex. Or do I mean interesting?
-
----
-
-I didn't go swimming, hiking or to the gym today. I am scared that this is the end.
-
----
-
-I had a dream in which I was reliving a memory with former friends. I asked them:
-
-> Do you know we are inside a memory?
-
----
-
-When I woke up, I wondered:
-
-> _What if reality only feels real because we're missing a part of our brain?_
-
----

content/journal/012/index.md

@@ -1,20 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-012
-date: 2025-07-11
----
-
-7/11, 27°C, 1:52
-
-Cars are driving by. The wind comes and goes. A wasp is curious. The clouds are resting. Kids are playing. A pidgeon is cleaning the ground. Shadows are moving.
-
-> _I will not let myself not enjoy it._
-
-A woman disappears. A bus continues the lives of people. 2:08. The post office opened again.
-
----
-
-I did go to the gym and swimming. But I didn't go today. I'm sleeping late again.
-
----
-
-Keyan said yesterday we continue to do blue ocean exploration in bitcoin.

content/journal/013/index.md

@@ -1,33 +0,0 @@
----
-title: journal-013
-date: 2025-07-12
-banner: river.jpg
----
-
-Life is slipping through my fingers like water. I feel myself pulling myself down again. I know how to swim, how to stay afloat, but I can't see land.
-
-But I know I've been here before. Like a Final Destination main character, I can tell the signs of the current carrying me away and the hopelessness creeping in. I just need to swim sideways.
-
-„But what if there is no land?“, I ask myself. „Or only islands, damning me to waste away forever?“
-
-Well, in that case, I'll be the main character in my own movie. But I know there is land. I've been there before.
-
----
-
-I need to get up early again so I can enjoy going to the gym again.
-
----
-
-I dreamed I was a Russian undercover agent and there was an accident. A nuke went off in a secret underground vault, and I had to investigate and make sure it stays a secret. U.S. military personnel was also investigating though.
-
-The conditions were claustrophobic.
-
----
-
-My iCloud storage is 88% full. I didn't know I was using it. That reminds me that I don't want to run (multiple) servers anymore. I want to minimize my digital footprint. My digital life is also slipping through my fingers?
-
----
-
-I should join a chess club.
-
-{{< figure src="/chess.png" caption="I’ve been climbing the ladder to almost 1k MMR since May. Is that when I started opening with the King’s Indian?" >}}

content/journal/014/index.md

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----
-title: journal-014
-date: 2025-07-13
----
-
-Sometimes, I think it would be *so easy* to burn this whole world to the ground. But I don't *really* want to burn this whole world to the ground, I just want to know if it would really be that easy.
-
-Then I start plotting how I would do it.
-
-> _Who must go, who can be spared?_
-
-Until I catch myself having these dangerous, intrusive thoughts and wonder:
-
-> _If I am thinking about this, who else is thinking about this? What if there is someone who isn't me who also has these thoughts but doesn't arrive at the conclusion that even if it were that easy, it would be horrible, not amazing?_