Add uncensored version of 11/11

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content/11-11/index.md

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+---
+title: (I think) I finally understand DarthCoin
+date: 2023-12-12
+draft: true
+---
+
+[Similar to how @siggy47 gets why bitcoiners like bear markets now](https://stacker.news/items/318223), I think I finally can start to grasp why [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin) is so toxic all the time. Prepare yourself for a very long and hopefully funny story :)
+
+---
+
+Almost exactly one month ago, my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me.
+
+Almost, because it was on November 11, not November 12. What a convenient date to remember: 11/11 :)
+
+I have asked myself a lot if I should share this on SN. This is (obviously) a very personal topic for me and I do care about my online privacy which is also [why I have started to use the delete feature more](https://stacker.news/items/348731) but I think this might actually resonate with some people on here. Or make some people reconsider how they see [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin). Also, I notice how I can't really focus as much as I would like to anymore because something is boiling inside of me. I am literally walking around faster and I have to hold myself back to not push people over because they are walking too slow for me. I am trying to not scream at the  cashiers when they do not say "have a nice day" back to me. I consistently have to take a breath before I respond to some people on here or in other places to make sure I am not going to lash out on accident for something so irrelevant, I might look like a bad person to interact with and not like the person I want to be. [I can't even hold myself back to call out @ODELL for something I don't like](https://stacker.news/items/348945) even though I never met him thus don't know him, never read much about what he is doing in this space, what is important to him and so on. I literally have no idea who he is in some way. And most importantly, I have no idea why he is even using ALL CAPS. I can of course only speculate, lol :)
+
+I know I am in a bad emotional state right now.
+
+**But at least I know**. I also know that lashing out is almost never the solution to anything. It DOES NOT help with fixing ANY situation, it only makes it worse. However, only ALMOST NEVER. This is what this post is going to be about. This post is about how [toxicity is the red pill for bitcoiners](https://stacker.news/items/347458) or how [toxicity is brutal honesty](https://stacker.news/items/347687).
+
+
+**Is there ever a time and place to be toxic? To be as toxic as you can be? To scream at the top of your lungs at someone to make them finally understand that you're being fucking serious? That it's not you who is crazy but them? Even though the definition of crazy is usually:**
+
+> If you think everyone around you is crazy... you might be the crazy one.
+
+**Because they just can not understand that what you are trying to tell them is a very serious topic for you? So they should stop making jokes about it? Since you're also not joking for once? Like for once in your fucking life, you are not trying to make jokes so people that have known you for so fucking many years, they might actually take you serious for once? ...**
+
+Anyway, we will try to answer this question in this post. :)
+
+For an example when I need to take a breath before replying, see [this comment](https://stacker.news/items/349022):
+
+> We can integrate the Chess part on SN too and use your prediction market when people play
+
+[@brave](https://stacker.news/brave), I hope you can forgive me for mentioning you but you are just the latest best example, haha
+
+Zap them like fucking crazy since I have put them on a spotlight on here without asking them first because I just HAVE TO write this RIGHT FUCKING NOW. **I am literally afraid my newfound toxicness is going to disappear before I am done writing this post because [I think this can be part of my superpower](https://stacker.news/items/343999).**
+
+I think my superpower is:
+
+> convert bad energy into code
+
+The problem with that superpower for now is just: that code isn't good, if it even exists. It's very hard to focus during programming if you have so many things going on in your mind at the same time. But this is also why I am writing this, to at least get something like 1% of these things out of my system.
+
+Also, you, @brave, seemed to understand that I was trying to make you understand in a "funny but toxic but funny" way how ridiculous this request was. Again, I do not intend to be rude (at least I sure hope so). I just want to help people understand some things without completely fucking censoring myself when I am trying to.
+
+I also gave @brave 1000 sats because I was so happy [he realized that I didn't mean to be rude](https://stacker.news/items/349051), I just wanted to call out the audacity to even ask for something like this, and I did have a good laugh reading his reply:
+
+> LOL, I'm not which is what gave me the audacity to even think so
+
+So, why did I start with my recent breakup? To keep it short (and not AS FUCKING TOXIC AS IT COULD BE):
+
+Our relationship started with me being scared that it might not work out in the long run because I know myself too well. I like to be alone way too much sometimes :)
+
+She said she understands and I also liked her. She seemed to really get me. So after some long discussions, including time that we had for ourselves to think about if we really want to do this, we thought: Why not just try it?
+
+So we tried. Again, I am trying to keep this short, since I have stuff to do, lol. **But disclaimer: I know this is only my side of the story. Don't trust me that I am not making stuff up here. Like some stories based on real events are also not _completely_ true :)**
+
+In something like the last 3 months before she broke up with me, I felt like something was wrong. I kept asking her
+
+> I feel like something is wrong, I think you don't like me anymore. We keep visiting each other during the weekends, but I don't think you actually want to. What is going on? I am really worried about you."
+
+She kept insisting that either a) nothing is wrong or b) it has nothing to do with me. 
+
+Oh, what kind of foreshadowing is this? :)
+
+Well, when she broke up (she didn't even start the discussion) it obviously had a lot to do with me.
+
+The funny part is, we were sitting around again as we used to do, having a good talk and laughing about dumb stuff. That's also why I liked her so much. You could talk to her about so many things. Just not about _everything_.
+
+Or at least it seemed to be a good talk as usual. When I noticed _again_ (FOR THE I DON'T KNOW I FUCKING LOST COUNT) that something is off, I asked her again. She just started crying. I tried to calm her down. "It's okay.", I said. But internally, I thought:
+
+> _I should have fucking known. I should have fucking known that even though we started our relationship with the premise that we're going to talk openly about every-fucking-thing. We said we will try to block every fucking Sunday so we can fucking talk about anything we might not wanted to talk about during the week for whatever fucking reason. That Sunday is going to be the day, we're 100% going to fucking listen to each other to see how the other person is fucking doing. I should have known that when I knew something was off, she wasn't telling me the truth. She was trying to avoid conflict but ... did she? DID SHE AVOID CONFLICT? OR DID SHE LITERALLY JUST MAKE IT FUCKING WORSE THAN IT FUCKING HAD TO BE?_
+
+But I didn't fully internalize these thoughts yet. I think I kept pushing them off. I didn't want to think like this.
+
+Well, we talked, we ate dinner for the last time, watched some episodes of the series that we started watching before we even got together (a new season came out). Then she left with us saying to each other we can meet again. I asked if I am still invited to the New Year's party with mostly her friends. She said she doesn't mind but the problem is if someone will actually plan something. Like where to go etc. She said she is happy how understanding I was and that I didn't make a drama out of this.
+
+> _BUT WELL, WHAT ABOUT FUCKING YOU? DID YOU TRY TO NOT MAKE A FUCKING DRAMA OUT OF THIS?_
+
+Anyway. A week later, I wrote her, asking if she has time to go hiking. Since we literally said, we can still meet. We can still be friends (I guess A LOT OF YOU can relate to this).
+
+Her answer after two days was:
+
+> Good morning :) Sorry for the late reply. I have been quite busy the past days. Nice idea! But all my free days from work for this and next month are already filled up with other stuff, sorry 🙈
+
+She didn't write anything else. And most importantly, she didn't reply with:
+
+> HEY THANKS YOU FUCKING REACHED OUT TO ME EVEN THOUGH MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE TREATED YOU LIKE A FUCKING MORON BECAUSE YOU KEPT ASKING FOR MONTHS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AND THUS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU ARE PRETTY FUCKING AWARE OF WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BUT YOU TRUSTED ME THAT I WOULD TELL YOU THE FUCKING TRUTH AND THUS YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU'RE JUST SEEING THINGS THAT AREN'T FUCKING THERE AND YOU SHOULD TRY TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE NOT TELL ME THE TRUTH?
+
+But I only fully realized that she didn't reply like this recently. It's funny because I know, [people say after a breakup you go through phases of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance](https://www.csn.edu/_csnmedia/documents/caps-counseling-and-psychological-services/stages_of_grief_after_a_breakup_0.pdf).
+
+
+I think one day I just woke up and I thought:
+
+> _WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. WHY AM I FEELING SO FUCKING SAD? AS IF IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT?_
+
+And I think then it was official: I entered the anger phase, lol :)
+
+I actually don't know how long this post already is since I am writing it outside of SN since I am too fucking afraid we might have a bug, we didn't implement [this feature yet](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/issues/216) or my browser might crash or I don't fucking know what life has planned next for me. But I am getting to my theory of why @DarthCoin is just so insufferable sometimes, soon, hang on :)
+
+Then I started to talk to IRL friends about my breakup. That actually helped me and they were very understanding.
+
+Then, they realized I don't have time to FUCKING MEET THEM ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Were they worried about me? Maybe. But I tried to tell them:
+
+> I AM DOING FUCKING FINE STOP FUCKING ASKING IF I HAVE FUCKING TIME WHENEVER YOU NOW WANT TO FUCKING MEET FFS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE FUUUUCK
+
+Then I tried to explain to them why I think I am doing fine and I just want to have time for myself ... oh boy, this got extremely funny very fast.
+
+They didn't take me serious when I tried to explain to them how important bitcoin is to me. They literally thought I was joking about all the things I said. I tried to have patience with them since I know how fucking crazy or hard bitcoin is to understand.
+
+But you know what?
+
+> AT LEAST TAKE ME FUCKING SERIOUS WHEN I AM TRYING TO LITERALLY TELL YOU HOW FUCKING SERIOUS I AM.
+
+Long story short, I literally started to burn some very old bridges - more or less temporarily - because I just couldn't interact with them anymore.
+
+> THEY JUST DON'T GET IT. THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME.
+
+However, I told them, depending on the amount of trust that I have in them finally fucking understanding that I am being fucking serious:
+
+> I don't want to talk to you anymore for X months / years.
+
+Oh boy, this got even more funny even fucking faster, haha!
+
+THEY LITERALLY STARTED TO FUCKING TELL ME HOW I AM OVERREACTING AND I AM CRAZY AND I AM SUCH A BAD BAD PERSON THAT I AM BURNING BRIDGES BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET SOMETHING SO STUPID LIKE FUCKING BITCOIN.
+
+I couldn't take this fucking shit anymore. Then I started to become as toxic as I ever was in my fucking life. If some stuff they said to me in person, I think I literally would have screamed until I would have passed out, lol. Just to get up and scream at them some more! But no, the very bad stuff was mostly over text.
+
+Then I send every single fucking one of them a very personal fucking message how I think that actually, they might be wrong and that THEY are actually the fucking assholes because I LITERALLY TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THEM BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LISTEN AND TAKE IT SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE SERIOUSLY GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK FUCK! I AM BEING SO FUCKING TOXIC RIGHT NOW, I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE FIXED MY FUCKING SOCIAL ANXIETY BECAUSE I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT PEOPLE WASTING MY FUCKING TIME ANYMORE
+
+And then I realized ... wow, this might have indeed helped with some of them!
+
+They were suddenly like
+
+> Oh, I am very sorry, I didn't know you are going through hard times. Are you sure you don't want to meet?
+
+> YES I AM FUCKING SURE BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND YOU STILL DON'T FUCKING GET IT EVEN THOUGH I LITERALLY WROTE YOU THE MOST TOXIC MESSAGE I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IN MY FUCKING LIFE, TRYING AGAIN TO EXPLAIN FOR THE NTH TIME WHY I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING MEET YOU _RIGHT NOW_.
+
+So to come to a final conclusion: If you think the only thing you have left is to be SO FUCKING TOXIC, FUCKING DO IT. IT MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE.
+
+And I think [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin) has been in this space for so fucking long, he lost patience with some people like I did in the span of a few weeks.
+
+I mean, I know I have been active in this space for not even a year and I AM ALREADY SO FUCKING TOXIC TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T TAKE BITCOIN SERIOUS.
+
+Imagine you've been in Bitcoin since 2012, it's been over 10 fucking years and people still don't fucking get it. WOULDN'T YOU BECOME VERY TOXIC YOURSELF?
+
+Just ask yourself this. This could have been all I wanted to say with this post.
+
+But I think [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin) is sometimes just being toxic for the sake of being toxic and thus is so insufferable sometimes. I just searched for "insufferable" on here and this is the first comment that showed up:
+
+> You are easily one of the most insufferable people on this website. [I found a selfie](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/191/035/135.png).
+
+-- https://stacker.news/items/101165
+
+But I actually wanted to find my own comment about [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin) being insufferable, lol:
+
+> @DarthCoin never change even though you are really insufferable sometimes :)
+
+-- https://stacker.news/items/344665
+
+So the point of this story is: BE FUCKING TOXIC WHEN YOU HAVE TO, BUT BE FUCKING SMART ABOUT IT, NOT LIKE FUCKING [@DarthCoin](https://stacker.news/DarthCoin), BEING FUCKING TOXIC WHENEVER HE FUCKING CAN, EVEN ON TOPICS HE HAS SO FUCKING OBVIOUSLY NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT, [EVEN ADMITTING HE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT CODE LOL](https://stacker.news/items/347737)!
+
+And one last thing:
+
+PLEASE DON'T FUCKING ASK ME HOW I AM DOING OR START DM'ING ME OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU THINK MIGHT HELP ME. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING MOVE ON, I DID NOT _REALLY_ WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS HERE BUT I JUST REALIZED I MIGHT HAVE TO TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO FUCKING CODE AGAIN AND COMMIT TO ME BEING FUCKING TOXIC BUT IN A HELPFUL WAY TO ANYONE WHO I THINK IS WASTING MY FUCKING TIME.
+
+BUT IF YOU REALLY HAVE TO GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, DO IT BELOW THIS POST SO I CAN FUCKING IGNORE IT TO FINALLY FUCKING CODE AGAIN WITHOUT SO MANY FUCKING DISTRACTING THOUGHTS IN MY FUCKING HEAD FFS. I MIGHT NEVER REPLY TO ANY OF WHAT YOU ARE WRITING HERE SINCE I PROBABLY ALREADY FUCKING TRIED OR AM CURRENTLY TRYING OR ALREADY FUCKING KNOW. AND YES, I FUCKING KNOW I AM A VERY NICE PERSON SINCE I AM TRYING FUCKING HARD, PLEASE STOP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND YOURS AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING FUCKING USEFUL IN YOUR LIFE FOR ONCE
+
+[THANKS I NOW NEED TO DO SOME FUCKED UP BINARY STUFF IN FUCKING JAVASCRIPT](https://github.com/stackernews/stacker.news/pull/683) LIKE WHAT THE FUCK! JUST SO SOME FUCKING PEOPLE ON HERE CAN START FUCKING UPLOADING THEIR PICTURES WITHOUT IT GETTING FUCKING ROTATED FOR NO APPARENT FUCKING REASON
+
+I THINK I AM FUCKING DONE NOW. I FEEL MUCH BETTER.

content/austin/index.md

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+---
+title: Austin's Orange Glow
+date: 2024-06-23
+banner: austin_orange_glow.jpg
+draft: true
+---
+
+# Apple Country in my head
+
+From April 26 to June 9, 2024, I visited Austin, Texas for the first time.
+
+In fact, it was my first time visiting the United States—or 'Apple country', as I sometimes secretly call 'The States' in my head, thinking it's funny, knowing full well it's probably not really funny. But in some way, it's this combination that makes it funny for me. Anyway.
+
+This post is not about explaining bad secret jokes. This post is an attempt to preserve the memories I've made so I can read them again in years and travel back in time with new associative thoughts. Also, writing about experiences is the most effective way that I have found to process what happened and clear my mind. It feels like allowing the past to become the past and getting ready for the future.
+
+However, it's also an invitation into my curated head where I try to strike a balance between personal stories that are hopefully interesting enough to trigger some thoughts in you, the reader, and private details encrypted between the lines for my future self. You might get to know me better or even find yourself in some lines. Maybe even literally because I might mention an interaction with you if we met in Austin.
+
+# Freedom and Options
+
+The weekend before my flight to Austin, I attended the [Bitcoin FilmFest](https://bitcoinfilmfest.com/) in Warsaw, Poland. That trip served as a test if I could pack my bag efficiently and effectively. It's been a while that I left the comfort of my familiar immediate environment.
+
+I didn't want to bring too much with me not only because I would have to carry it around but also because I would have to carry it around _in my head_. Maybe that was even more important to me. I saw this trip as my first chance to see how little I actually need to be happy. What would I think about and miss even during such a short trip (four nights)? And what only keeps me fixed in place; making it less convenient to pack up things and move somewhere else? Or even become (more or less) a digital nomad with no permanent home?
+
+It turned out that in the case of being a nomad, I would definitely miss a good monitor setup and _the option_ of playing piano. I would also miss _the option_ of playing games on my powerful desktop PC if I'm ever again in the mood for it. It became clear that I would have to give up these day-to-day life options if I wanted to travel a lot and see the world.
+
+But losing these options seemed at odds with feeling more free as a nomad. Wasn't freedom about having a lot of options? Am I gaining or losing more options? Which options are more important to me?
+
+I realized that quantifying freedom as merely a set of available options was wrong. For me, freedom isn't about having many options; it's about not falling victim to a daily routine in which I feel trapped and become _unaware_ of my freedom. Freedom is a state of mind, and I believe that travelling the world is one option to insulate my mind from unfree thoughts.
+
+# lost+found
+
+> _Where are my damn keys? Or should I maybe ask: where was my damn mind?_
+
+I didn't pack my bag until the night before my flight to Austin. I failed the test to pack my bag for Warsaw efficiently because I didn't wear half of the clothes that I brought with me. So I said to myself that Austin is going to be different. I am going to travel to Austin with as little baggage as possible.
+
+Austin was going to be different anyway because I was going to stay for six weeks instead of just four nights. If I needed something, I could simply buy it there and it wouldn't be such a waste as if I had to buy something just for a few days. So as the days passed by, packing my bag wasn't as much on my mind as if it might have been if I was more worried about forgetting something I couldn't replace.
+
+This lead to me not sleeping the night before the flight because I realized that this was the first and last time to check if I _really_ didn't forget anything. And maybe I was also a little excited.
+
+While repeatedly checking if I had forgotten anything or if I should leave something behind, I realized I couldn't find my keys. I was sure I put them in my bag already but it didn't matter how many times I checked, they weren't where they were supposed to be. I looked at the clock and realized it was 4am and I had to leave in one hour.
+
+> _This is what I deserve for not packing my bag earlier._
+
+I kept checking and checking but I couldn't find them. I thought I was going crazy. They just disappeared.
+
+> _This is the absolute worst timing to lose my keys. I can't believe how much I suck at living._
+
+With my time running out, I decided that this wasn't my problem but a problem for my future self in six weeks and I left to catch the bus to the airport.
+
+After I arrived at the airport and had some sleep in the bus, I had some spare time. I decided to check my bag again since I still couldn't believe that I lost them even though I didn't care as much anymore. To my surprise, I immediately found them: They were in the pocket where I always put them, just a little deeper. I was relieved and noted that I still didn't learn how state of minds work. I have no idea how I missed them during my frantic search at home.
+
+# Bitcoin, you say? Come with us
+
+> _Anything you say can and will be used against you._
+
+The day before my flight, I read [the news about Samourai](https://stacker.news/items/517368). I wondered if there could have been a worse time to fly to the US for something related to Bitcoin.
+
+I was hoping that I didn't have to mention Bitcoin at all at the airport or during entry but I was also sure that I wasn't going to lie. If they weren't satisfied with my answer that I am here for a conference and wanted to know its name, I would say that it's btc++, hoping that they don't get that "btc" means Bitcoin and ask more questions. But if they did, I would always tell them anything they wanted to know but never more. I hoped that strategy wouldn't seem suspicious. I tried to convince myself that I could be simply tired or didn't want to waste their time with information they didn't ask for. I was no criminal even though I felt like one. I felt like I had to pretend I was innocent. Just like a criminal.
+
+Admittedly, I was already thinking a lot about this part of my journey even before I read the Samourai news. During booking the flight, I briefly considered if I should time my arrival in such a way that it'd be right before a shift change is more likely. This would mean it's more likely that I would get a tired agent during entry that didn't care as much and just wanted to go home. I was probably reading too much [_Art of Deception_](https://www.mitnicksecurity.com/the-art-of-deception).
+
+I knew I was overthinking it, but I couldn't help myself. It's simply part of who I am, no? All I could do was laugh at some of my ridiculous thoughts, like when I sat next to a seemingly abandoned suitcase and wondered if it was going to blow up.
+
+# Reality Check
+
+The flights operated by American Airlines, the layover at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport (no public free Wi-Fi, wtf?) and the final admission to entry in Austin were mostly uneventful. I was only asked by a disinterested lady what the purpose of my visit was while she checked my passport. My answer "conference" was apparently good enough for her. If I recall correctly, she never even looked at me once.
+
+Excited to finally be able to move around freely again, I passed a sign that mentioned that after this point, there is no going back. I took the stairs down to the entry hall and left the airport straight away. That's when the humidity and heat of Austin, Texas struck me for the first time. I knew it would be much warmer in Texas than in Southern Germany, but experiencing the sudden shift from the air-conditioned hall to the outside still gave me a needed reality check. It was late in the evening, already dark and not even June yet. I immediately missed the pleasant weather and fresh breezes of late spring in Germany. But maybe I would learn to drink enough water per day here.
+
+# PlebLab
+
+{{< figure src="/sn_cropped.jpg" caption="The Stacker News Door" >}}
+
+* supertestnet introducing me to everyone; ek vs ek-zee-kee-yas
+
+* first conversation with plebpoet
+
+* first conversation with bitcoinplebdev which included how bullish he is on SN; feelings of not wanting to disappoint people
+
+* first conversation with k00b ("you're tall!" - "and you're not too short!")
+
+* Car's playful banter about how cascdr founder will drive me crazy because I claimed the desk next to him but I said in a cool way to both of them: "maybe I will calm him down instead"
+
+* conversation with niftynei; me apologizing for the awkward handshake at btc++ Berlin 2023 and hoping that she forgot and she fortunately did
+
+* awkward "wanted to talk to you because you talked to me" to plebpoet
+
+* impostor syndrome
+
+* Car being the social glue between socially awkward developers ("every hackerspace needs a Car")
+
+* happy that I could help supertestnet with some notation in a paper about cryptography (or rather confirm what he was already assuming) and witness the birth of Emessbee
+
+* first times SNL; how having three people on the show didn't really work (this initial impression of me was confirmed by Car later); how I never watched the episodes because I didn't want to hear me talk
+
+* having fun late in the evening helping plebpoet with cutting stuff while supertestnet was recording a music video; plebpoet showing supertestnet how to do the Mashed Potato dance
+
+* trying to see everyone more as "normal people" instead of intimidating "shadowy super coders"
+
+- appreciation of plebpoet's approachable nature
+
+* janetyellen being the most American person I've met in a good and bad way (talks a lot of shit but in a funny way)
+
+* BlueSlime just being super chill all the time and being the "Hack and Tell"-guy for me
+
+# The floor is enough
+
+- spontanenous invitation to Car's place: "Do you want to watch a movie at Car's place with super?" - "Let's do it!"
+
+- realization of how talking to Car or supertestnet is unusually easy for me
+
+- considered to bring my toothbrush with me (place where I was staying was nearby) but stayed silent (didn't want to arrange the words in my head and I didn't want to bother them with waiting for me)
+
+- "wild life"?
+
+- we watched Minority Report
+
+- sleeping on the floor as I was warned about before but it was actually pretty decent; I'd do it again
+
+# Cascdr party
+
+- how I was almost nice to k00b's wife by introducing myself to her and giving her someone to talk to since she was standing alone in the back just like me before I knew it was her but I didn't because I was too anxious (it would have been so cool!)
+
+- I was working on the wallets and they didn't let me go so I couldn't enjoy myself + I am awkward at parties anyway
+
+- I wanted to simply continue to work but that made me feel even more awkward since everyone else was having a good time (party was inside PlebLab)
+
+- it became too much and I left, telling myself I just need a walk and I'll be back soon
+
+- I came back after many hours and I was terrified that the party was still going on
+
+- I decided to lock myself in the shower to hide and sleep (there was a tiny bench inside on which I curled up with a stack of paper towels as a pillow) because my stuff was still inside PlebLab and I was too scared to go in
+
+- security knocked and asked wtf I am doing in there for so long and I simply said I am waiting until the party is over so I can grab my stuff and he said "okay" as if hiding and sleeping in the shower is a very normal thing to do
+
+# lost+found II
+
+- lost my phone at my last day in Austin
+
+- met a couple in the lobby and got into a pretty deep conversation about America, bitcoin and the Ukraine war with them (they were from Ukraine)
+
+- when I casually told them at the end that I am searching for my phone, they mentioned they found a phone in the restroom yesterday and they gave it to the restaurant in the same building and it was indeed mine!
+
+# Welcome to American Airlines
+
+- return flight: "we don't have you on our list" even though I clearly had a valid boarding pass
+
+- getting a seat in the emergency exit row which had a lot of leg room and was next to the restroom: from possible no flight to the best flight I ever had
+
+- watching a ton of movies including Dune Part 2
+
+# _random_
+
+- first person that I asked for help in Austin couldn't speak English
+
+- really unfriendly person at Firehouse Hostel because I asked them where I can find the laundry detergent; he was annoyed that I've never seen laundry detergent pods before; his huge forced smile and pretense of being friendly and helpful made it worse ("you look like a smart person so HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE DETERGENT PODS? DO YOU NOT HAVE THEM IN GERMANY???"); after he "explained" it to me, I didn't want to trust my clothes with his explanation so I simply walked 2 miles to the next laundry; almost left a bad review because of this but I simply left no review
+
+- SIM card from [travelSIM](https://travelsim.com/) wasn't working (fml)
+
+- btc++ and afterparty with drinks paid by BTC sessions iirc
+
+- finally introducing myself to benthecarman after missing many opportunities because I assumed many people do and I didn't want to be another potentially annoying person (unreasonably intimidated of assumed celebrity status of Ben); felt like I owed an introduction to him because I knew that it was him so he should know that this is me
+
+- intrigued by how I consistently had fun conversations with the guys from Bitscript

deploy

@@ -8,17 +8,18 @@ RSYNC_OPTS="-avh --delete"
 COMMIT=$(git rev-parse --short HEAD)
 
 sed -i -e "s/^commit\s*=.*$/commit = \"$COMMIT\"/" hugo.toml
+sed -i -e "s/ekzy.is/dev.ekzy.is/" hugo.toml
 
 rm -rf public/
 
-hugo
+hugo -D
 tailwindcss -i assets/css/input.css -o static/tailwind.css
 
-rsync $RSYNC_OPTS --dry-run public/ ekzy.is:/var/www/ek
+rsync $RSYNC_OPTS --dry-run public/ ekzy.is:/var/www/dev.ek
 
 echo
 read -p "Continue deploy? [yn] " yn
 echo
-[ "$yn" == "y" ] && rsync $RSYNC_OPTS public/ ekzy.is:/var/www/ek
+[ "$yn" == "y" ] && rsync $RSYNC_OPTS public/ ekzy.is:/var/www/dev.ek
 
 git checkout hugo.toml